Furtive Looks in Dreams and Life
by Queen of the Castle
Summary: Martha couldn't believe she'd fallen for someone she couldn't have again. Rose/Martha, Rose/Ten


Author's Notes: Things go a bit AU at the end of Journey's End.

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><p>She'd never been the type to harbour negative feelings towards anyone. She cared for people a little too much to bear grudges or make a habit of gathering enemies. It was one of the reasons she'd decided to study to become a doctor in the first place; she wanted the best for everyone, even complete strangers.<p>

Yet when Rose Tyler first stepped back into the Doctor's life, and by extension into hers as well, Martha Jones admittedly had a little trouble seeing past her being the woman who was at least partly to blame for months and months of being treated like some kind of substitute, and not a very good one at that. The hurt of the Doctor's distant eyes often looking right through her as if hoping to see someone else – someone _better _– was still so fresh.

Martha, for the first time in her memory, actually _tried_ to outright hate Rose for that. For a moment, when Rose initially looked at her the way Martha's last boyfriend's ex had stared her down – like she was a particularly vile bug squashed under Rose's shoe – she thought she might even succeed. Rose, however, was quick to realise that she had no competition for the Doctor's affections, at least not _that _way.

Rose always smiled at her after that, and Martha knew she couldn't hate her after all.

All the same, Martha didn't expect to ever really _like_Rose. She shouldn't have been surprised when it happened, though. Of course there was so much more to Rose than just the pretty and flirtatious cardboard cut-out that had sprung to her mind the moment Jack said the word 'blond'. Rose was those things, sure, but those were far from her only qualities. As if the Doctor would fall in love with anyone who was less than completely brilliant.

Martha found that she saw a _lot _more in Rose, actually. She wished she didn't.

She used to dream of the Doctor, a wish for a much greater closeness that was only ever fulfilled in her own fantasies. Now, when the Doctor showed up in her dreams, he was always accompanied by Rose. The desires that drove those nights were just a little too complicated for her to consider during her waking hours. Even though she found it weird – even though she'd never expected to ever find herself even vaguely wondering about that sort of thing with _her_, if at all – it was much easier to focus on the many nights when the Doctor didn't make an appearance at all, but when Rose was still as present as ever.

She couldn't help but remember the way Rose kissed her in her dreams even when she was awake and fully aware.

She'd seen this sort of hopeless longing directed at Rose Tyler before. She still wasn't entirely sure what it was about Rose that inspired it, but there was certainly _something_, and she'd seen it just as clearly as the Doctor had.

She never thought there would come a time when she'd be sad to be compared to the Doctor. Right then, though, she wondered if she wasn't a little bit _too _much like him.

Martha caught herself staring at Rose just before she and the Doctor left. Rose was laughing at something (clearly at the Doctor's expense, as he openly pouted at her amusement). There was something shining about her when she smiled.

Martha couldn't believe she'd fallen for someone she couldn't have _again_. The fact that Martha had never even been interested like this in any other woman aside, Rose was just as thoroughly spoken for as the Doctor ever was. She'd always thought she was smarter than this.

She couldn't control her feelings, though. She could only control what she did about them.

She _had_ learned something from the way she'd felt about the Doctor, after all. When she watched Rose, and thought of her when she wasn't there, it was quietly, with the knowledge that it mattered to _her_, but no one else needed to know. She certainly wouldn't be letting someone who didn't love her the way she wanted become the most important thing in her life again. That was a mistake that wouldn't be repeated if Martha had anything to say about it (and she thought she was strong enough that she could make sure she _did _have a say).

That would, of course, all be easier if fate wasn't playing with her, bringing about all-too-frequent alien invasions that made their paths cross again and again.

Thankfully, Jack was the only one who ever gave her a knowing look (she supposed he would recognise the signs, since he clearly loved them both as well). Neither the Doctor nor Rose ever seemed to notice, or at least they were willing to pretend they didn't. Either way, Martha just tried to learn to ignore it.

She wasn't sure she ever succeeded.

~FIN~


End file.
